


For The Birds

by markymark261



Series: Gamut [6]
Category: DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 17:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1355998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markymark261/pseuds/markymark261
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Air Wave rescues a damsel in distress, but she wants more from him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For The Birds

My Dearest Robert

Thank you ever so much for your latest letter. So wish you weren't stuck on that silly island, and really hope Al's not getting you down too much. Sorry that it's taken so long for me to reply but I've been kind of busy recently.

I know that we've never ever met but please believe me when I say that our correspondence means so much to me. Sometimes I think you're the only person in this big unfair world of ours who really understands me, who shares my love, and now it turns out we'll have even more in common. But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.

I'm not really sure where to begin, so much has happened since our last communication, so I'll just tell you about today, and fill in the gaps as we go along.

This morning started in a hot humid dusty courtroom, my eyes fixed on the three criminals opposite, being questioned by DA Larry Jordan.

As I listened to them talking, constantly needing to wipe perspiration from my brow, my mind went back to an equally hot and humid day two months earlier when I'd been stuck in a low-rent flea-bitten apartment, surrounded by those same three goons packing heat. The furnishings had been sparse, just some radio equipment and the chair I'd been sitting on, my hands behind my back.

I was praying that Air Wave had heard my radio broadcast for help, that he'd be there soon, skating along the telephone wires towards me, his proverb-pounding parrot at his side.

As if in answer to my prayers, the window suddenly shattered, and in jumped the green-and-yellow wizard of wireless, his faithful feathered friend Static by his side. I couldn't help but feel a thrill of excitement upon his entrance, he sure was a fine specimen.

"Let the woman go!" Air Wave said, adopting a fighting stance. "Otherwise you won't know what hit you."

"Sure," said the goon-in-chief. "We'll let her go, but we'll be wanting something in return."

"You really expect me to bargain with villains like you?"

"You're gonna have to deal with us, otherwise you'll have to deal with us," the goon said, not even realizing the illogical nature of his remark. "The thing we want is your parrot."

"You want Static?" said a dumbfounded Air Wave. "Why?"

"It's not for us, but our boss," explained the goon.

"Your boss?"

"Yeah, they're one of those horny theologists," said the second goon, mangling his words.

"And you's got a talkin' bird," concluded the final goon.

The hero looked shocked. "But he's my sidekick. All heroes need sidekicks, Crimson Avenger has Wing, Sandman has Sandy, Dr Mid-Nite has Hooty. That's why I got him, sidekicks are the latest fashion," Air Wave explained. "Since I got him, all the newspapers now want to write about my adventures; I've never been so popular. Besides, you don't really think Static can talk, do you? I just use ventriloquism."

At that point, I cringed. What kind of idiot would fall for a preposterous story like that?

"Really?" said their leader, who was clearly that kind of idiot.

"Sure, look at him," Air Wave said, pointing at Static, who in return stayed resolutely silent. "As you can see, looks like there's been some kind of misunderstanding."

"I'm not so sure," the second goon said.

"If he's all squawk and no talk, then surely it don't matter if we take him," said their leader, for once talking some sense.

Suddenly a voice came from outside the door. "This is the police, we've got you surrounded."

As the goons turned, fooled by Air Wave's ventriloquism, he waved his glove in their direction and what must have been some electromagnetic field caused their guns to fly out of their hands.

"Just three against one," said Air Wave, cracking his knuckles. "Now you've got to deal with me." And with that, he launched himself at them, his fists a blur.

As his blows rendered the two lackeys unconscious, the leader ran forwards to where his gun lay on the floor. "Can never rely on you two lunkheads," he said.

"A bad gunman also blames his fools," squawked Static as he flew into the goon's face, and then AIr Wave's knuckles joined in, connecting with the goon's jaw, knocking him out colder than a Siberian winter.

"Sorry about this, ma'am," Air Wave said, standing over the bad guys' bodies. "Hopefully these men won't cause you any more trouble."

"Why, thank you," I replied, but I'm the kind of lady who's used to men falling at my feet. Indeed, as Air Wave bent over to pick up the men's weapons, he became just the latest of those men, as I got up from my chair and smashed a baseball bat over his head.

I remembered looking down at his unconscious form. "Those were my men, Airwave…" I'd told him. "And this was my trap. And now," I'd said, as I'd grabbed hold of Static, "this is my parrot."

My mind returned to the present as my henchmen finished their testimony, pointing in my direction. I'd been foolish getting those thugs to assist me, they'd only ended up telling tales. Had they really expected me to stand by them that day? It was hardly my fault that Air Wave had been quicker than they had to regain consciousness. Besides, I'd had to take care of my newest ornithological acquisition, or Exhibit A as he was now known.

I looked over at the jury, looking at me judgmentally, and concentrated my gaze on the male members. I stretched my back, my tight red dress flaunting my succulent wares, and gave them the kind of look that men like to get, the kind that convinced them I was anything but innocent. I like my men like my birds, eating out of my hand. Please don't think any less of me, Robert, there were no emotions involved, just cold calculation, using science in pursuit of my goals: some chemistry, some biology and lots of physicality.

The men on the jury, and some of the ladies, weren't the only ones getting hot. As the sun rose in the sky and the temperature in the courtroom continued to rise, the judge finally let us out for lunch, not that I could go very far, under the constant watch of a guard, my feathers clipped.

Proceedings resumed an hour later. As I was led back to my seat, I saw that Air Wave was already in the witness stand, standing up straight and still, no emotion on his face, like the big dummy he was.

After Air Wave had been sworn in, DA Larry Jordan moved to the center of the courtroom, wearing a rather obvious hairpiece that I was surprised I'd not spotted earlier, and started his questioning. I tried fluttering my eyelashes in the DA's direction, after all everyone's corruptible, but he was concentrating his gaze fully on Air Wave, no doubt trying to put words into his mouth to try and incriminate me.

First, Air Wave told of how I'd stolen his beloved sidekick, of how he'd finally come to and tied up the still-unconscious thugs, and then he told them about the subsequent hours, of his loss and his sadness. He hadn't been a happy hero, as he'd perched on top of a telegraph pole, massaging his sore head, while he kept listening to all of the city's radio and telephone transmissions, trying to ignore the noise, listening out for just one thing: Static.

There were telephone conversations of all kinds he'd had to sit through: one man telling his parents he loved them, a commissioner calling a caped crusader, numerous wrong numbers, but then finally he'd heard the squawk he knew.

My mind went back to my secret hideaway, filled with birdcages containing my feathered friends, and then there'd been my newest acquisition. I'd wanted Static and I to be friends, I love birds and I'd have treated him so well, but instead he'd leapt out of my hands, knocking the receiver off my phone, and perched on the phone's cradle, flapping his wings. At the time I'd thought he was scared, but now I realize he was just opening a connection.

"Please, Static, there's no need to panic," I'd said, giving him positive reinforcement.

That was when Static's wing had shot to his chest; I thought the stress had been too much for the poor creature, that he was now having a heart attack.

Static then started to stumble around melodramatically. "I'm gonna meet my macaw," he squawked. "Join the choir invincible." And with that he fell silent, and dropped down limp.

"Oh no, a dead parrot!" I exclaimed. I was heartbroken as you can imagine. Not that this would have been the end of our relationship, you understand, I've also got a keen interest in taxidermy.

As I picked up Static in my hands, Air Wave suddenly crashed in through the door, sending splinters of wood flying everywhere.

"It's too late, he's dead," I said to the hero, a tear in my eye.

"Nooooooooo!" screamed Air Wave, clenching his fists, and that was when Static suddenly came back to life and started to fly back to him. "Static!" Air Wave yelled, just as my hands grabbed hold of the bird by the claws.

"Never do that again!" we both said to Static in unison, as I flung open a cage and unleashed a giant falcon in Air Wave's direction.

"You lied to me!" I growled at Static.

"There are lies, damned lies and sick Statics."

While Air Wave protected himself against my noble bird's talons, I strapped on my wings and headed to the window, while Static struggled against me. And then I dove out of the window and took to the skies, for I was no longer Hester Morgan, but the villain they called Hummingbird.

As I looked back, I saw that AIr Wave had slipped past my falcon, and was now giving chase, skating after me along the telephone lines. What hope did he have, him stuck in his plane, me with the whole of the sky? I soared in front of him, my hand tightly gripping Static, knowing he had no chance of catching me, but as they say, pride comes before a fall,

He had zoomed past me at the speed of electricity, not even attempting to grab me, but instead disgruntling a collection of birds perched there , who had taken off directly into my flight path. I'd slowed down my wings not wishing to hurt the poor things, and had found myself plummeting straight into Air Wave's open arms.

Which brings me back to the courtroom. Call it unorthodox, but now the evidence itself was testifying against me.

"This honey is the root of all evil," squawked Static, which saddened me deeply, I'd so wished the two of us could have stayed friends.

I realized that even my alluring attempts to sway the jury were now of little consequence as the tide of truth turned against me, and so I put my hands to my mouth and gave a bird call. The people there thought I'd lost my mind, but then my other friends arrived, and a shadow fell over the courtroom, and then hundreds of birds smashed through the windows. They were my last bid for freedom. Only problem was that crazy parrot; I don't know what he said to them, but he turned them against me, and soon this hummingbird was flying backwards.

After one severe pecking, plus the judge reading out my long list of crimes that put birdnapping in the shade, the jury didn't take long to deliver their verdict, and it turned out I was heading for the Westfield State Farm.

"No prison will hold me," I vowed.

"The pen is mightier than the broad," Static squawked. Turned out he wasn't just a parrot, but a mocking bird.

Anyway, that brings me to now. Soon they'll be coming to put this Hummingbird in her cage. Still, thanks to your example, I know that I can still indulge in my favorite pastime, caring for my feathered friends. Hope you get this, and that one day we'll both be free and finally meet. Until then, they may have caged us, but they'll never stop us flying.

All my love

Hester Morgan  
AKA Hummingbird  
AKA The Birdwoman of Westfield State Farm


End file.
